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I did not sleep last night until 5am. I slept then for 3hrs and went to work a real zombie.

After my little adventure yesterday, I was feeling shaky. Jenny’s house has 2 automatic gates with remote control, every window and doors have metal bars, there is an alarm system and emergency buttons. And yet I did not feel safe.

I called Anthony, the neighbour, I needed some company, some kind of reassurance, as silly as it is, it would make me feel better; just to be able to talk about it. He was very sweet and asked me if I needed to talk to a counsellor or something. I laughed, it was not that bad, I did not go mental. But when I put the phone down, I was in tears. It was time for the dam to break. It did not break, but I felt the emotions washed over me and the simple fact that I was alive, at least for another day finally sank in. Of course, my mum would have brought me a bit of rum with salt, I looked around Jenny’s cupboards but there was no alcohol, apart for some bottles of wine. I went to bed but every noise had a new threat to it.

The way to work was harder today. I was suspicious of everyone and everything, more aware of my environment, wearier of all the faces.

At work, I had a hard time not crying in front of Susan. Susan Jones is my surrogate mother here (It seems that I found one everywhere I go for some reasons). She bought me a pair of shoes last week! I could not believe it, and I did say no many times, but it would have offended her in the end so I caved in. Anyway she is the 1st person who made me feel at home in seapoint and has been a very nice colleague ever since. She was most helpful today as well and it gave me comfort to talk to her.

So basically talking about it makes me cry but I can handle my every day activities. It would take me a few days to get rid of the weariness and the incomfort but eventually I’ll forget. I might even laugh about it one day.

It makes me wonder though. I have received offers to stay here a couple more years, to work on the East coast (the Indian Ocean). And I really wanted to accept. But do I want to live in Cape Town? With such security problem? I don’t know anymore.

I'm happy you found a surrogate mother there and hope as of today you're really better. I'm also happy you've got good people to talk to there, that's the trouble being so far, you have to found another "nest" of people to feel comfortable around. Perhaps one day you'll be able to work nearer (did you get any news about Boulogne?), I hope so anyway because I miss you. But it's une grande chance, même si tu la paies...00

And rum + salt????? Is it just du rhum Charrettes?? Talking about rum, I'll send you some Sylmade punch, un panier gourmand : that will be your Bday+Xmas gift (hoping nobody'll steal it on its way).
Yes I think Susan thinks herself my surrogate mother. And who am I to complain about it... She is very sweet. She just turned 61, and is fit like a whistle and so friendly and full of energy and helpfull with everything. When she retire, this place will fall apart; everyone is counting on her for every little things. She has been working ob zooplankton for more than 23years, that's a long time. Where would I be in 20years I wonder. She is British but afterall this time in Cape Town, she doesn't even cheer for England during the Rugby World Cup. That says it all.
For my parcel, thousand of thanks. I love food!