I did not sleep last night until 5am. I slept then for 3hrs and went to work a real zombie.
After my little adventure yesterday, I was feeling shaky. Jenny’s house has 2 automatic gates with remote control, every window and doors have metal bars, there is an alarm system and emergency buttons. And yet I did not feel safe.
I called Anthony, the neighbour, I needed some company, some kind of reassurance, as silly as it is, it would make me feel better; just to be able to talk about it. He was very sweet and asked me if I needed to talk to a counsellor or something. I laughed, it was not that bad, I did not go mental. But when I put the phone down, I was in tears. It was time for the dam to break. It did not break, but I felt the emotions washed over me and the simple fact that I was alive, at least for another day finally sank in. Of course, my mum would have brought me a bit of rum with salt, I looked around Jenny’s cupboards but there was no alcohol, apart for some bottles of wine. I went to bed but every noise had a new threat to it.
The way to work was harder today. I was suspicious of everyone and everything, more aware of my environment, wearier of all the faces.
At work, I had a hard time not crying in front of Susan. Susan Jones is my surrogate mother here (It seems that I found one everywhere I go for some reasons). She bought me a pair of shoes last week! I could not believe it, and I did say no many times, but it would have offended her in the end so I caved in. Anyway she is the 1st person who made me feel at home in seapoint and has been a very nice colleague ever since. She was most helpful today as well and it gave me comfort to talk to her.
So basically talking about it makes me cry but I can handle my every day activities. It would take me a few days to get rid of the weariness and the incomfort but eventually I’ll forget. I might even laugh about it one day.
It makes me wonder though. I have received offers to stay here a couple more years, to work on the East coast (the